Ten Feet Under

Do you have a novel in a drawer, a first novel (or a later one) that never saw the light of day?

You bet I do. Except it’s not in a drawer. It’s in an asbestos-lined Kevlar sleeve, in a six-inch-thick solid steel vault, buried ten feet underground in my backyard, where it’s no threat to the welfare of society.

Okay, I’m exaggerating. The walls of the steel vault are only five inches thick. 

It’s the first novel I ever wrote, back when I didn’t know a dangling participle from a Flying Wallenda. I knew nothing about esoteric things like characterization and setting and plot and structure and dialogue. I did know a little bit about punctuation, but for some reason, I felt a very strong urge to use a preponderance of semi-colons (and I have a feeling I overused the word “preponderance” too).

I revised it a bit and truthfully, I liked the general story and (many of) the characters. But man, was that prose stilted and formal and phony. And some of the plot twists? Oh my! My, my, my. More than a few coincidences and, shall we say, a preponderance of character actions with questionable motivations.

You might be wondering: Why didn’t I stick with this first novel and keep revising it until it sang?

Not even the best voice teacher in the world could get that turnip to sing.

Wisely, I moved on to my next manuscript, which was clearly better written from the get-go (I guess I learned a lot from my practice manuscript). I know I’m a lot better writer now, but I don’t think I’ll be digging that first attempt up anytime soon to try to resuscitate it. And believe it or not, in some kind of weird time-warped irony, the working title of that first novel was…Unburied Secrets.

(This entry is “simul-posted” on Criminal Minds.)

Bad, Bad Ending!

Is there a well-known mystery in which you would have changed the ending/murderer?

[Note: In this blog post, no book/author names will be used to protect the not-so-innocent.]

About ten years ago, I picked up a book with a great premise. I read about 200 pages, then decided that it just wasn’t “working” for me. But I wanted to know what happened. So I finished the book. And it didn’t end any better than it started. I guess you could say it was underwhelming (or hokey, contrived, ridiculous, unbelievable—pick one or pick all).

Fast forward five years. I picked up a book with a great premise. I read about 200 pages, then decided that it just wasn’t “working” for me. But I wanted to know what happened. So I finished the book. And it didn’t end any better than it started. I guess you could say it was underwhelming (or hokey, contrived, ridiculous, unbelievable—pick one or pick all).

Yes—I. Read. The. Same. Stupid. Book. TWICE. Without realizing it.

To prevent me from torturing myself a third time, I actually threw the book in the trash (the only time I’ve ever done that, with the exception of a college text,  Elements of Vibration Analysis, which is another story altogether).

I suppose it goes without saying that I would definitely change the ending of this book. Along with the beginning. And the middle. (The title was fine.)

[By the way, as I was writing this blog post, I looked up the book on Amazon. Judging from some of the reader reviews, I was not alone in my opinion! One representative review header sums it up: “Man, this is a BAAAAD book.”]

As you can tell, my memory about books I’ve read can be spotty (to say the least), so I really can’t remember any other specific books in which I’d change the ending.

But I’m sure they’re out there!

Does anyone else have trouble remembering books they’ve read?

(This entry is “simul-posted” on Criminal Minds.)

Beam My Books Up, Scotty!

When you have a book published, maybe several, what are your thoughts, for the future? Is the book something you hope will be found and read, in 50 years? Or do you know, going in, that you may become out of print, a thing of history...or forgotten? What is your hope?

Do I hope my book will be found and read in 50 years? Heck, I hope my books will be found and read next week! I’m a writer and, to me, it doesn’t really matter when someone discovers my work (as long as they discover it eventually!).

Honestly, I don’t think about where my books will fit in the future. I’ve got bookshelves full of books fifty years old, so I assume my books will be collecting dust someplace fifty years from now. But will they be more than placeholders on a shelf and actually be read? If I’m lucky. After all, that’s why I wrote them—to be read (and hopefully enjoyed) by other people.

I certainly don’t expect that I’ll have a thriving readership decades from now (although I suppose it’s possible). But I can’t let my future dreaming affect how I feel about my writing today. I’ll just keep trying to churn out the best work I possibly can and leave my bookwise “legacy” to those who care about such things.

Of course, as my previous blogmates have noted, “books” may never really go out of “print” any longer. In fact, digital copies of my book might just be around for the colonists on Alpha Centauri to read. I’d have to admit, that would be pretty cool.

*****

Going to Malice Domestic (which starts tomorrow)? I'll be moderating a panel, "Putting the Fun in Funerals: Balancing Humor and Murder," on Saturday at 2:00. Join me and my fantastically funny panelists Donna Andrews, Brad Parks, Helen Smith, and Nancy G. West for an entertaining time!

(This entry is “simul-posted” on Criminal Minds.)