Monday, December 21, 2009

Take This Snow and Shove(l) It

Today’s quickie writing lesson:

Eliminate weak language and generic qualifiers to strengthen your work.

For example, instead of:

I don’t usually really like fairly large amounts of snow.

Try:

SNOW BITES!

 

See the difference?


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11 comments:

Mason Canyon said...

I so agree and I don't even have any snow (yet). Don't want it either, please keep it.

jdcoughlin said...

Yes. Very Cormac McCarthy. "He picked up the cup. He drank. He put down the cup."

She picked up the snow shovel. She cursed. She shoveled. Damn snow.

Galen Kindley--Author said...

Maybe you could get Mr. Handelman, er Handl, uh Hdandle…your good friend Josh to shovel for you. I’d do it, but, by the time I got there, it would be gone. So…

Best Regards, Galen.

Imagineering Fiction Blog

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

Excellent example! I agree about snow which is how we ended up in SW Florida. However, everyone here, including myself is grumbling about today being an LPD (long pants day) though I realize I shouldn't complain.

Alan Orloff said...

Mason - I have plenty of snow to spare, if you change your mind. And, for the holidays, FREE SHIPPING!

jd - This was an apocalyptic storm, sort of. I think you left out about ten thousand "She shoveled"s.

Galen - You could take a mule from NM and still get here before all the snow melted.

Jane - Today was a 2S1SW1WC2SP2SO day (2 shirts, 1 sweatshirt, 1 wintercoat, 2 sweatpants, 2 pairs of socks day). I like to be warm when I shovel.

DebraLSchubert said...

Very educational post. Dig it! (Get it - snow pun. Yeah, well anyway...)

Patricia Stoltey said...

Even though there's still snow on the ground and icy side streets, we're enjoying one last balmy 60+ sunshiny day in Colorado before the frigid air and snow return.

Oh, wait, we were talking about concise, tight language. Hmmm. How about: Sunshine rocks!

Alan Orloff said...

Debra - I don't like snow, but my kids have lots of pun in it.

Patricia - It's sixty degrees here too. Actually 67 degrees. In my family room.

Sunshine does rock--wish I had me some.

Crystal Clear Proofing said...

As I sit here looking out the window at the snow that continues to fall (I'm waiting for the blasted stuff to STOP so I can go out and freeze in order to clear my sidewalk) I must agree that SNOW DOES INDEED BITE! Not too crazy about temperatures below 50 either.

Ingrid King said...

To paraphrase Jimmy Buffett: Snow bites, snow bites, snow bites the big one......

I'm sooo over this. They've coined a new term for this storm here in this area: Snowcopalypse. My neighborhood still hasn't been plowed.

Oh, we're supposed to comment on eliminating weak language and generic qualifiers to strengthen our work! I'll be contemplating that while I go chip some more ice off my driveway....

Alan Orloff said...

Crystal - I am so totally with you. Give me a 75 degree day with a slight breeze and I'm a happy camper.

Ingrid - Snowcopalypse, nice! I think Jimmy Buffet has the right idea.