Monday, June 8, 2009

Say It Isn’t So

I went to see the new Star Trek movie over the weekend and thought I would write a review (Star Trek: The Trouble With Quibbles*). After thinking about it for a while, I changed my mind--I don't want to inadvertently spoil anything. Star Trek

So I'll just say I liked it.

Everywhere I looked in the theater, I saw Trekkies. Which led to an unsettling thought: Was I a Trekkie, too?

I'll let you decide.

Trekkie: I've seen every episode of the original Star Trek series at least fifteen times.
Not-a-Trekkie: I haven't seen a single episode of any of the spin-offs.

Not-a-Trekkie: I don't own any Starfleet uniforms.
Trekkie: Just four more boxtops and I'm there! (I know, I know, don't get a red uniform if I wish to live long and prosper.)

Trekkie: I won't get a new phone because the one I have looks just like a communicator (and, amazingly, just like a phaser--not the pistol kind, the other kind).
Not-a-Trekkie: I never flip it open and say, "Beam me up, Scotty."**

Trekkie: I know the rules of Fizzbin.
Not-a-Trekkie: I don't try to play it during Dealer's Choice poker night.

Trekkie: I have nothing against green women (in fact, the greener, the better).
Not-a-Trekkie: I'm not big on android women.

Trekkie: I used to Vulcan pinch my little brother all the time.
Not-a-Trekkie: It never rendered him unconscious (it bugged the crap out of him, though).

Trekkie: I used to own a cassette recorder (and black vinyl carrying case) that looked like a tricorder.
Not-a-Trekkie: I didn't make beeping and whirring sounds when I carried it around (although I did hold it up to my brother's chest and say, "Jim, it's not human."***)

Kahn Trekkie: I like Kahn.
Not-a-Trekkie: I like Kahn. (Come on, who doesn't like Kahn?)

Not-a-Trekkie: I waited a few weeks before seeing the movie.
Trekkie: I saw it in IMAX (which made everything bigger and louder--and more explosive.)

Not-a-Trekkie: Seriously, I'm not a Trekkie.
Trekkie: Beam me up, Scotty!


*I'll just choose to ignore the few quibbles I did have (like if I included a coincidence as intergalactically improbable in one of my books as they did in the movie, I'd be lambasted. Of all the gin joints, er caves, on all the planets, in all the time-skewed alternate realities, I run into you...).

**True (pathetic) story: When I was a lad (okay, I was about 15), I was watching Star Trek in my family's rec room (do houses still have rec rooms?). During a commercial, I picked up the house phone (it was one of those "flip phones"), flipped it open and said, "Beam me up, Scotty" to amuse my siblings. I didn't know my mother was talking on the upstairs extension. D'oh. Sorry, Mom!

***I love my brother. Sorry, Bro!



Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

We have a rec room! Which is where I'm unfortunately writing until my new laptop comes (my old laptop died spectacularly over a week ago. Sigh.)

I'm...not a Trekkie. But my husband is. And I think my son could be soon, too...
Mystery Writing is Murder

Alan Orloff said...

Rec rooms are awesome!

For the longest time, as a kid, I thought it was a "wreck" room, and acted accordingly.

My mother kept correcting me, too.

And Elizabeth, I think if you are the mother of a Trekkie, you must be one yourself. It's okay, you can admit it.

Your Brother said...

I love you too Bro.

"Peace and long life."

Deborah Sharp said...

Diagnois from Dr. Deborah: Yes, you ARE a Trekkie, no doubt in my mind.

And, PS ... red uniform = bad?

Alan Orloff said...

Red uniforms = very bad

In the original series, the red-suited security officers were always the first to go to their cosmic rewards.

And I AM NOT A TREKKIE! (Not that there's anything wrong with it :) )