Monday, September 6, 2010

My Last Superpower^

^Summer is for reruns, so…

I have an unsightly (and quite itchy) rash on one arm and both legs. Red, scaly blotches, little bumps, altogether angry skin. As I undressed in my dermatologist's office (coincidentally, I was there for my annual check-up*), I noticed a wall chart explaining poison oak, poison sumac, and poison ivy.

Couldn't be. I've always been impervious to poison ivy. It was my last remaining superpower.** I could roll around in a bed of poison ivy and come away unscathed. Because of my special ability, I was always the one to chase the ball into the woods. I never had to wear gloves or long sleeves or long pants when I did yardwork. I could stroll through the woods (barefoot, if I so desired!) with impunity. I was immune.

I finished disrobing and waited for the doctor.

When she entered the exam room, she glanced at my splotchy arm. "Have you been in the woods or working in the yard lately?" she asked.

"As a matter of fact, I have. A couple days ago, I spent about an hour pulling vines off my azaleas," I responded. No, no, please, no.

"Uh, huh. Well, you have poison ivy." poison ivy

My worst fear realized. I had poison ivy. Common poison ivy.

Sure, it looks nasty and itches like crazy.

But that's not what bugs me.

My last superpower is gone.

And now, I must face my mortality.***

*I go to the dermatologist every year. As a child, I had many severe sunburns. One was so bad I passed out on the Autotrain coming back from Florida. I missed two days of school with sun poisoning and had to sit in a bathtub full of oatmeal. Lesson learned: Always use sunscreen!

**I lost my ability to eat just one potato chip last year at the Fourth of July picnic.

***Did I mention it itches like crazy?



Anonymous said...

Alan - I've always been susceptible to sunburn and ivy poison, too. So I can definitely relate. But I haven't lost all of my superpowers; I am still able to push the button on the coffeemaker in the morning, before I've even had any coffee : ).

Mary@GigglesandGuns said...

Don't cry, Alan. If you lose one another will come to replace it. Take a lesson from Margot. :D

Dorte H said...

... but who poisoned Ivy?

(I know, I know - bad pun).

A few weeks ago I discovered I had become allergic to ordinary, boring Danish mosquitos - NO ONE IS, they are totally harmless, but nevertheless I looked as if I suffered from a severe attack of blood poisoning :(

LOL, Margot!

T. Powell Coltrin said...

I lost that superpower about 10 years ago. I was always a bit prideful telling others how I could roll in it as a child. Then one day, this rural gal worked outside and wham--I lost my SP. I had PI for three weeks.