Say It Isn’t So

I went to see the new Star Trek movie over the weekend and thought I would write a review (Star Trek: The Trouble With Quibbles*). After thinking about it for a while, I changed my mind--I don't want to inadvertently spoil anything.

So I'll just say I liked it.

Everywhere I looked in the theater, I saw Trekkies. Which led to an unsettling thought: Was I a Trekkie, too?

I'll let you decide.

Trekkie: I've seen every episode of the original Star Trek series at least fifteen times.
Not-a-Trekkie: I haven't seen a single episode of any of the spin-offs.

Not-a-Trekkie: I don't own any Starfleet uniforms.
Trekkie: Just four more boxtops and I'm there! (I know, I know, don't get a red uniform if I wish to live long and prosper.)

Trekkie: I won't get a new phone because the one I have looks just like a communicator (and, amazingly, just like a phaser--not the pistol kind, the other kind).
Not-a-Trekkie: I never flip it open and say, "Beam me up, Scotty."**

Trekkie: I know the rules of Fizzbin.
Not-a-Trekkie: I don't try to play it during Dealer's Choice poker night.

Trekkie: I have nothing against green women (in fact, the greener, the better).
Not-a-Trekkie: I'm not big on android women.

Trekkie: I used to Vulcan pinch my little brother all the time.
Not-a-Trekkie: It never rendered him unconscious (it bugged the crap out of him, though).

Trekkie: I used to own a cassette recorder (and black vinyl carrying case) that looked like a tricorder.
Not-a-Trekkie: I didn't make beeping and whirring sounds when I carried it around (although I did hold it up to my brother's chest and say, "Jim, it's not human."***)

Trekkie: I like Kahn.
Not-a-Trekkie: I like Kahn. (Come on, who doesn't like Kahn?)

Not-a-Trekkie: I waited a few weeks before seeing the movie.
Trekkie: I saw it in IMAX (which made everything bigger and louder--and more explosive.)

Not-a-Trekkie: Seriously, I'm not a Trekkie.
Trekkie: Beam me up, Scotty!

 

Footnotes
*I'll just choose to ignore the few quibbles I did have (like if I included a coincidence as intergalactically improbable in one of my books as they did in the movie, I'd be lambasted. Of all the gin joints, er caves, on all the planets, in all the time-skewed alternate realities, I run into you...).

**True (pathetic) story: When I was a lad (okay, I was about 15), I was watching Star Trek in my family's rec room (do houses still have rec rooms?). During a commercial, I picked up the house phone (it was one of those "flip phones"), flipped it open and said, "Beam me up, Scotty" to amuse my siblings. I didn't know my mother was talking on the upstairs extension. D'oh. Sorry, Mom!

***I love my brother. Sorry, Bro!