Wednesday, April 15, 2009

How to Juggle in 14 Easy Steps

Some wise soul (either Confucius or my father, I forget) once said, "He who do everything, do nothing." This saying implies, of course, that a person can't do everything, at least not well.

Confucius (or my father) never read the book, How To Do just about Everything.* Written by Courtney Rosen & the eHow** Editors, this tome promises "Concise Instructions for Daily Life."

Finally, an instruction manual for life! I could have used this twenty-five years ago (see How To Compliment a Woman Who Catches Your Eye).

Armed with this book, you'll be able to boil pasta in eleven easy steps (All this time, I've been doing it in five! What have I been leaving out?). You'll knock out that short story in eight steps (seven actually, because step #8 - Extend the Resolution Phase, is optional). You'll have batters quaking in the box from your newly-learned knuckleball. You'll travel wrinkle-free. And you'll be able to go out and trap those pesky garden gophers.

The book even tells you how to blow your nose (Tip: Wait to start blowing your nose until you've been sitting upright at least five or ten minutes).

It can help correct flaws in your current methods, too. I learned I don't whistle properly (I suck air in, rather than blowing it out). Six simple steps and I'll be whistling like a champ. Although I think I'll fall short on step #6 - Practice!

After reading this book, I've decided to write the surefire blockbuster follow-on, How To Have TIME to Do Everything.

If only I had the time.

*One of a series of How To books

**eHow is a cool website

1 comment:

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Eleven (count 'em - 11) steps to boil pasta???!!!! That alone makes me doubt the qualifications of the people who produced this book.

Is the epilogue to this book "How to Avoid People Who Think They Know Everything?"

Very amusing post, Alan.